today.

I haven't written anything in a long time. But I'm in a rambly mood.

I'm sitting here in my lovely little house with my lovely boyfriend and I think to myslef - I have a lovely life. I just looked over at him and he smiled at me and whispered I love you.
I love this so much
but
am I naive?

I'm 18 - ive lived a pretty hectic life, I've been through some shit things, I've seen how fucked up this world can be yet I still think everything is okay. Is this stupid of me - is this naive and silly that I still think everything is perfect and that it's going to stay like this - that everything is going to be fine all the time?

On one hand I love that I'm so positive - that I see everything in a good light.
But on the other hand I don't want to seem uneducated, stupid - am I setting myself up for shock and dissappointment?

I don't know.
I just know i'm all cosy and happy and I'm feeling wonderful - and fingers crossed it just stays this way.

today.

please remember when he cried.


i fucking love him - more than everything.

today.

'am i your la fleur?'

today.

the tides are turning.
i have always been the one that loves someone the most - the easily jealous one.
but he rivals me now.
i like it.

today.

we went to the movies - but it was even better walking along the wharf at night when its windy and he is holding my hand - and we talk about how when we are older we will own one and sail around the world.

today.

we walked down the street - then got a pizza - then sat on the side of the road just eating, talking and watching the cars go past on the highway.
at midnight.

today.

'i just want you to know, i care about you, i love you - and this is going to work.'



the only reason im writing these is to remind myself that this is real.
i still dont trust myself enough to let myself believe.


he says i think to much.
i think this is true.

today.

'so i guess your the one i care about'

today.

i read something somewhere.

it said
'when i am alone - i feel happy - its only when im with other people do i start to feel lonely'.

i am noticing that i feel this way. i will be sitting with a group of people and i will be fine. talking and laughing. then i will stop for a moment and think. and then i will watch other people talking and laughing around me - and suddenly feel alone.

except when im with him.

today.

i know everyone in your life has fucked you over at least once.

but i think you can trust this one.

please dont let me regret this.